****************************************************************************** D&D CARTOON NEWS! I received an E-Mail back at the end of September from Naomi, who's started up a LISTSERV Mailing list for our favorite cartoon! Read on for more info: "I'm writing because after I stumbled over your D&D resources on the web last week, I was inspired to add one of my own. I understand that many people (including me :>) don't have convenient access to the alt.tv.dungeon-dragon newsgroup, (DejaNews not falling into my definition of convenient). For my own part, I dislike newsgroups nowadays due to the huge volumes of totally unrelated spam that one has to wade through to get to any interesting posts, and due to the fact that those aggravating spammers also grab e-mail addresses for their mass e-mails from those groups. So, to make a long story short, I've created a LISTSERV mailing list called D+D-CARTOON@NETSPACE.ORG. Anyone can subscribe to the list, but only subscribers can post (preventing those mass-spammers from bombing the list). More info on the list and instructions on subscribing are available at: http://www.netspace.org/~shalott/dungeons/ * If you haven't had the chance, be sure to stop by the web site and sign up ! ****************************************************************************** IT'S FUN! IT'S EXCITING! IT'S -- WELL, DECIDE FOR YOURSELF, THEN.... Before we continue with last issue's poll results, I'd like to introduce a brand-new, all-fun feature to the newsletter! (Well, I guess "fun" is in the eye of the beholder -- I for one don't think that anyone actually believes that the quantitative size of fun is the same size as those "Fun Size" candy bars that you get at Halloween -- but try the quiz anyway. I think most of you will enjoy it). Well, without any further delay, here is the: "What's Your D&D Cartoon Personality?" quiz... (A silly spoof on all those magazine quiz things!) Are you a "TYPE H (Hank)", a "TYPE P (Presto)", or a "TYPE E (Eric)"? (Before anyone asks me about it, it would be simply too hard to have ALL the characters on this quiz. If anyone would like to compose a "Part 2" to this quiz using Sheila, Diana, Bobby, and Uni -- let me know!) QUESTION #1: When Dungeon Master appears to give advice about what to do next, you: (a) usually listen intently and give deep thought to what he says, using it as the cornerstone of your decision-making process (b) try to figure out what he says, but just give up because it's usually incomprehensible until you're actually in the middle of the situation he was talking about and now suddenly it all makes perfect sense (c) roll your eyes overdramatically and make an obnoxious comment about his height, his hair, or some part of the riddle that you don't think makes any sense QUESTION #2: When encountering a hostile monster or dragon in the Realm, the best course of action is usually to: (a) try to use your weapon to help in the situation, although it usually ends up doing more harm (or nuisance) than good (b) try to take inventory of the situation, see what your options are, make sure your friends are okay, and then use your weapon only as your last viable option in protecting your friends (c) run like the wind and make wisecracks as you use your weapon to get as far away from the thing as humanly possible -- although if one of your friends is in trouble and genuinely needs your help, you'll help them (although you'll probably be complaining while you do it) QUESTION #3: When you are just about to make it to a portal home and as usual, you don't make it, you deal with the situation by: (a) trying to console yourself and the rest of your friends by encouraging them that you'll find another , better way home soon, although you feel guilty about not getting home and that somehow, it's all your fault that you all didn't make it there (b) complaining loudly and endlessly talking about something from home that you want to have (usually fast food of some type) (c) trying to lighten the mood with a joke or consoling everyone with your usual quiet yet positive attitude QUESTION #4: When running up against Venger, you are most likely to be: (a) either insulting him (his costume, his attitude, or how he looks) or just trying to get away from him as fast as you can by either fast-talking or just plain running (b) giving him major attitude and getting angry at him, while at the same time, firing your weapon against him as much as you can to protect your friends from his energy blasts (c) trying not to let your teeth chatter in fear and attempting to make your weapon do something useful, and hoping that Venger has enough of a sense of humor enough not to completely annihilate you when your weapon doesn't work QUESTION #5: When asked to describe yourself, you are most likely to respond with: (a) "I'm witty, funny, dashingly handsome, and brave. Did I mention witty?....let me tell you about the time when I..." (b) "Er, gosh, I don't know. I don't like these kind of questions...can we go on to the next one?" (c) "I always try to do my best at everything I do -- especially when I'm trying to help people, but a lot of the time, I don't feel what I do is good enough." SCORING: Question #1: (a)1 (b)2 (c)3 Question #2: (a)2 (b)1 (c)3 Question #3: (a)1 (b)3 (c)2 Question #4: (a)3 (b)1 (c)2 Question #5: (a)3 (b)2 (c)1 RESULTS: AS IF you couldn't tell from the answers already, I mean, COME ON! (NOTE: these results are not meant to be interpreted as your real personality type! It's just for fun, see? F-U-N? Oh, nevermind. Score away if you must, but if you end up fitting into a category you don't like, don't come whining to me!): 12-15 POINTS -- "TYPE E" (Eric) Well, although this personality type seems to have a rather, well, how shall we say, abrasive exterior, their overt actions often hide another side of themselves -- perhaps they suffer from a deep-rooted phobia that people will laugh at them. Although it's hard to tell from their words, they have the potential to be strong leaders -- although these qualities only tend to come out in a real genuine crisis situation. This personality type needs to try and ease up on the wisecracks and let people see the real them more often. 8-12 POINTS -- "TYPE P" (Presto) An individual fitting this personality type is witty and easygoing, but also prefers blending in with others to being a leader, and is sometimes too quiet and not assertive enough in voicing their opinions. Sometimes they suffer from bad timing and get a bit unlucky, but no matter what they do or how it turns out, they always will have the best of intentions. They also seem to have a soft spot for card tricks and other assorted magic tricks. 5-8 POINTS -- "TYPE H" (Hank) An individual fitting this personality type is a born leader, although they sometimes tend to be a bit of an overachiever. They are not afraid to accept responsibility for others or for their own actions, but sometimes they tend to blame themselves for things that are not their fault -- and get frustrated when they deliver anything but their very best. The best thing for this personality to do is: Take a vacation! Go see a movie! Just relax and do something for yourself for a change! You deserve it! ****************************************************************************** POLL RESULTS! I'd love to give you the results from the poll -- but the thing is, only one person ever responded! (or, at least, only one person's E-Mail actually got through to me...) Justin Alexander wrote a nifty story linking our favorite cryptic DM to our favorite wrinkled n' green Muppet Yoda. Read on for more: "Dungeon Master and Yoda Childhood Years by Justin Alexander As the story goes, being Dungeon Master is a time honoured tradition in Dm's and Yoda's family. (Yoda adopted his name so there wasn't two sons named Dungeon Master ) Dungeon Master Snr took over as Dungeon Master from his Father, Dm and Yoda's Grandfather. Grandfather Dungeon Master took over from his Father and so on. Now Yoda being the older son was next in line to be Dungeon Master. Yoda had been taken under his Father's and Grandfather's arms and was taught everything there was to know about being Dungeon Master. Yoda had many hours of work experience, but Yoda wasn't content , he yearned to explore the outside world and the known universe. Yoda thought there was more to life than being Dungeon Master. At night Yoda would lay in bed and he could hear the big worldly universe calling him. Soon it was time for Yoda to take over as Dungeon Master from his Father. Yoda told his younger brother Dungeon Master about wanting to explore the universe. Dungeon Master told Yoda that he must fulfill his destiny, he must succeed his Father and keep the tradition going. That night before the ceremony Yoda had many a thought and after much consideration confronted his Father and Grandfather and told them about exploring the universe and not becoming Dungeon Master. Yoda's Father and Grandfather were furious , they had never heard such treachery in their lifetime and Yoda was forbidden from following his dreams. Yoda was told by his Father and Grandfather the usual story of it is a time honoured tradition in the family, the minute his was born he was destined to be Dungeon Master and he would control the vast land mass which was know as The Realm. Yoda tried to reason with his Father and Grandfather , but that made matters worst and was banished to his room until the ceremony the next day. So in defiance of his Father and Grandfather, Yoda pack up and left The Realm and ventured fourth into the vast universe. Yoda spent many years exploring this wonderess new place, he visited new universes , thousands of worlds , planets and met many different races of aliens none unlike he had ever seen. Then Yoda found a place that he could settle down , a swampy planet in the Dagobah system. Yoda built himself a nice little mud house. Yoda then decided to use all the knowledge what he had learnt and was taught to train others. After much thinking Yoda came up with the phenomena of The Force and those who mastered this phenomena would be known as Jedi Knights. To keep things interesting Yoda created two sides of The Force good and evil and from this creation The Emperor was born. Meanwhile back in The Realm a galaxy far, far, far away the next morning came and Young Dungeon Master, Dungeon Master Snr and Grandfather Dungeon Master discover Yoda was gone , again Father and Grandfather were furious that Yoda disobeyed them and vowed from that day they no longer had a son named Yoda. So then the tradition fell onto Young Dungeon Master who was trained and had the honour of fulfilling his destiny.? * Cool huh? I thought so! ****************************************************************************** "HUH?!?" (a substitute for the usual Question of the Issue) After running a few of these darned things, I've come to the stunning conclusion that you guys sure do like to write -- especially about things that need a lot of explanation! (like Uni's gender, for example). So, in place of the usual poll question, here's a rather nifty essay-ish question suggested by Justin Alexander. Send me your answer at IllyanaAM@aol.com by February 25, 1998. Get out your pens and pencils and those annoying blue books, everyone -- and most importantly, have fun! Feel free to write as much as you like! "Give a brief explanation or theory on why Venger's magic worked on Earth and the weapons didn't." ****************************************************************************** Ye Olde D&D ELSEWORLDS FAN FICTION CORNER This month, we have two stories in our D&D Cartoon Elseworlds Fan Fiction Corner (yippee!). The first one is by Maureen O'Brien -- and all you X-Files fans are going to love it! (I know I did!) Read on for: "Players" by Maureen S. O'Brien ------------------------------------------------------------------- This story is rated either G or PG-13. It begins in 1997; Scully has recently learned she has cancer. Hope you like it! Part One: Rolling Characters "Natural 20! C'mon, Papa needs a brand new Sword of Wounding!" -- Ringo Langley, "The Usual Suspects", The X-Files An amusement park closed for the winter is bleaker than a graveyard, Agent Scully thought. The refreshment stands and the winding lines by the rollercoasters were empty, lonely, dead. No problem finding a parking spot or the Taurus. Only spring would bring this place back to life. She doubted she would live to see it. Mulder noticed her shiver. "That wind really has a bite," he commented. "Time to bite back. Let's run!" "Run where?" "Anywhere they wouldn't let us go if we weren't on a case. Where we'd want to go, if we were kids." "Method in your madness?" She spotted the top of something...intriguing. "Over there." Mulder turned. "Hey! The Dungeons and Dragons ride! Let's go!" He started to run. Scully refused to fall behind. And soon, they had come to the famous mountain facade. Mulder jumped over the track and onto the maintenance walk alongside. Scully followed, fearing she panted too hard for such a short run. He waited for her, worrying. "What?" she asked, annoyed. "I just wanted to make sure you were taller than that halfling." She rolled her eyes. "Sure you're over 18?" She clicked her flashlight on. "The Gunmen forged me a birth certificate so I could join the FBI." "I believe it." "I've waited five years to hear that. Now we work on 'admitting Mulder's right'." "Not to mention 'doing Scully's will'." The agents bantered as they walked the tracks, oddly relaxed. Here, in this strange place outside the world, they could forget about the cancer and the Consortium. Then they heard a moan up ahead. Mulder and Scully drew their guns and raced up the path. They turned a bend and saw a vortex hanging in mid-air. Light poured out like a strobe, if a strobe also swirled, emitted different colored flashes, rapidly changed temperature, and howled like the damned. Mulder had to shout over the noise. "It's some kind of space-time anomaly!" "It's part of the ride, Mulder! A special effect! We've got to turn it off!" Mulder approached the vortex and gingerly inserted his flashlight into the swirl, then pulled it back and showed it to Scully. All but the handle had come off; it looked as if something had eaten it. "Some f/x, huh? Animatronics to die for!" Then the vortex expanded, and he was gone too. "Mulder!" She wanted to rush forward, but the vortex was still growing. It pulled her. "Gravity sink," she thought, and grabbed onto the railing at the side of the track. To no avail. The vortex was still growing. She kept her eyes open. She did not fear death, and she owed it to...someone...to observe this phenomena to the end. Then she was gone. The vortex stopped expanding as abruptly as if someone had yanked on its cosmic leash. It began to shrink in upon itself, dwindling and dimming, till only a point of light remained. Then that winked out. Only the remnants of a flashlight were left to show where two FBI agents had been. Not even the Consortium knew where they had been taken. Scully landed on her feet. Somehow, she'd managed to hang onto her gun through it all. Its weight was a comfort. "Greetings, madam. We have been waiting for you." She whirled in place. The voice belonged to a man who would definitely not have been allowed on the ride. He had a cleanshaven, ageless face and long white hair that sprung from an almost bald head. He wore a red robe and smiled at her beatifically. "Who's we?" she answered warily. He gestured grandly behind him, and Scully saw Mulder being helped up by a kid in green robes with reddish brown hair. Five others, wearing clothes just as outre, were staring at her. Professional stares. The little man smiled. "Your companion who was and your companions who are to be. "Ranger. Thief. Barbarian. Wizard. Cavalier...and Acrobat. Bard and Cleric, take your place among them. Welcome to this Realm of dungeons and dragons!" End of Part One. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Watch next month for Part Two: The Rulebook. ------------------------------------------------------------------