VALLEY OF DARKNESS - Menacing overlord and prominent force of evil Venger announced today that he was “fed up” with “those blasted kids”, referring specifically to a gang of magic weapon-wielding minors who have repeatedly thwarted his efforts to dominate the Realm for some time. “They act like they owe no recourse to the law,” Venger complained of the band of youths. “They have no parents or guardians, they roam unsupervised throughout the Realm at all hours of the day and night, and they certainly have no respect for honest, hard-working adults like myself.”
According to the great evil one, this gang makes a point of harassing him in particular. “Just last month I was in the Crystal Valley trying to enslave a village of gnomes,” Venger explained. “Then these same hooligans showed up and immediately started blasting me with their magic weapons and freeing the gnomes.” Not only did their assault ruin days of work, Venger claims they also attempted to inflict serious personal injury. “The one with the bow nearly knocked me off my flying horse. I can fly without her of course, but they didn’t know that. Honestly, they would have killed me if I hadn’t been so careful.”
In the past, the unruly juveniles have also caused catastrophic property damage. Recalling some of his earlier encounters, Venger said, “So far they have destroyed at least two dark fortresses and one Prison of Agony. And I don’t mean simple vandalism here. We’re talking razed to the ground in piles of rubble.” Regarding the financial impact of such destruction, he added, “My property insurance rates have gone through the roof.”
While the evil overlord claims nothing is being done to control the
problem, this sort of youth gang violence is beginning to attract some
attention. Divinator and noted sociologist Sottomor the Beige recently
told a group of reporters that he plans to enlist the aid of law enforcement
and local parents in order to address such issues. “We cannot be
sure what gives rise to this kind of
uncontrolled, delinquent behavior,” he stated, attempting to explain
how gang violence develops. “Often teenagers work through their natural
rebellion by seeing adults as a kind of enemy, and themselves as vigilantes.
But whatever the case, we owe it to them, and to society, to bring these
young people into custody and get them the counseling they need.”
Attention is being aroused in other areas as well. Of particular concern to some law enforcement officials is the juveniles’ use of magical weapons. “Where do kids get these things?” questioned a frustrated Sir Managil Krape of the Gang Violence Center in Blathmore. “They might have stolen them, I suppose, but I suspect someone sold them these weapons, probably an adult. The first thing we want to do is find the adults responsible for putting deadly weapons in the hands of minors, and put these criminals behind bars.”
In the meantime, Venger is taking precautions to prevent further danger to himself or his property. “I’ve installed a new alarm system, and right now I have about 200 cloud bears digging a moat.” Shrugging, he added, “I don’t know what else to do. I have a job to get done and I can’t let these pestering kids interfere.”